22 December 2007


Now that I have unmasked my assumed neo-primitive persona, I admit that I once freely visited Opryland Hotel, Nashville, whose mottoes might be: "Lose yourself in our simulated reality, because it's more real than Disney Land!" and, "Make new friends at our many conveniently placed layout maps!" There's a reason that there are so many layout maps (and other nomads crowded around in perplexed silence): It's because wandering lost (and spending money while lost) is the game. They should call it the Wanderlust Hotel.

The maps are themed: cartographic obfuscation. And the architects were obviously in on the ruse: How to place two large hotels and FOUR atria and a gigantic convention center and myriad shops and restaurants under a roof and in such a way that visitors (read shoppers) will always be lost. But, hey, we won't care! Because it's so pleasant with all this natural tropical vegetation (in Tennessee) and streams and cascades and waterfalls (it's good to get out into nature) that.... "Hey! There's another layout map conveniently placed
10 feet ahead! Let's see where we are!" (Perplexed silence.)

After I entered this aMAZEing space and soon enough realized I was missing, I found a creek and reckoned I could meander downstream to find my way out. (I learned this in the mountains of Kentucky.) It stagnated at Bayou Country! Since I felt physiographically comfortable there (and knew how to keep an eye out for gators) and I saw Boudreaux's Bayou Smoothie Shoppe (whose theme should be, "You buy by the bayou"), I had to gladly purchase a smoothie or two--and drink it at the next conveniently placed layout map! You get the idea.

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